Let me share with you the colorful and entertaining history of the word “Fuck” according to John Franklin—that would be me, a descendant of Benjamin Franklin. Yes, that Ben Franklin, and we’re both residents of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, although centuries apart.
I explain how my 1972 filing for copyright protection was the first time the Library of Congress granted a copyright for the printed illuminated manuscript page of my infamous fuck-immortalized essay, which contains lots of fucks. Throughout the 1970s and into the early ‘80s, “The Immortalization of Fuck” was one of the most popular “X-rated” essays—it sold in significant numbers, far surpassing blockbuster bestsellers.
In the dawning age of office photocopy machines it also came to pass that this bastard-size parchment sheet was widely reproduced in historic numbers in black-and-white on 8.5” x 11” paper—I dare say the vast number of cheap knock-off fucks would surely constitute the most horrific case of copyright infringement in the history the legal justice system.
Normally having your fuck infringed upon is a bummer, however, I wasn’t worried about these cheap fucking copies being passed around—I was making a fair and mounting profit selling the original fucks printed in glorious color on parchment stock. I’m very grateful for the cheap fucks being freely circulated among fuck-minded folks, especially when many of those copies started arriving in the mail accompanied with folding green cash to pay for their ordered fucks, “Please send twenty bucks worth of fucks to the below address.” Spreading the good word about my fucking essay via knock-offs sure increased the exposure and drastically extended the reach of my advertising budget.
My profiting from legally selling fucks was the direct result of a gentlemen’s wager tossed out by a colleague as a unique, creative marketing challenge. My masterful solution came with the recalled quote by Ben Franklin, “Of two things you can be certain; death and taxes.” Frankly Ben overlooked the ongoing certainty of folks’ eternal interest in fucks and fucking—as connecting fuckers and fuckees merrily makes the world go around.
In addition to explaining the ramifications of the wager, the Fuck Redux ebook includes several humorous spinoff stories revolving around this interesting and versatile word—like successfully overcoming problems sending a Western Union telegram to a mainstream publisher, and the nasty phone call from my father upon his discovery of the F-essay. And then there was the brazen foxy cowgirl who boldly asked me for a fuck.
The ebook first edition is approximately 12,000 words all about the fabulous word “Fuck” for a mere three bucks to download it—which is befitting because the original printed on parchment fuck essays with 305 words sold for three bucks, or two fucks for five bucks, plus postage and handling. Of course with the zipped-zap of electrified ebooks there are no delivery charges. Indeed, a great deal in any decade!!!
Naturally, I’m hoping you’ll take pleasure in or at least chuckle over Fuck Redux, and I’d appreciate your help in spreading the word to your friends and associates about my F-word essay ebook. As a token of my gratitude, upon receipt of your request via email I’ll gladly email you a PDF of the illuminated manuscript page suitable for framing—this is larger and at a higher resolution than the artwork in the ebook.
Thanks for your fucking consideration of my shameless ebook pitch for, FUCK REDUX: The True Story about “The Immortalization of Fuck,” available for instant downloading and your reading enjoyment from the Amazon Kindle and the B&N Nook ebookstores.
Enjoy often… John